Ricky Williams Was (Almost) Onto Something

I know I'm in my prime earning years, but Ricky Williams and the situation in the gulf coast has gotten me thinking. I think I'm going to have to retire. I need to pursue some of my life goals. I've always wanted to be a marksman. I mean, headshots at 1000 meters kind of marksman. I also see a lot of suffering in the world that I'd like to try to fix. So I thought, hey why not retire and tackle both at the same time. My plan is to develop a new healing philosophy that I'm going to call Ballistic Medicine. I believe, through the appropriate application of high powered projectiles, that I can cure "what ails" most people.

These might be physical pains but, more commonly, these are going to "life pain". The things that drag you down. The things that cause physical and emotional damage. In many cases just suggesting that a large caliber weapon might be able to cure them will...surprisingly...cure them. But on the occasion where the person doesn't realize the source of their pain, or if they happen to be someone's source, a small piece of metal traveling at 800m per second will usually do the trick.

If Cupid can cure a broken heart with a stupid little arrow just think what I can do with an M82A1 sniper rifle. So while I won't be smoking pot or spending time as a roadie for Lenny Kravitz, I will be practicing my skills and trying to find patients.

I'm so committed to this idea I may even think about it again tomorrow.