Look! A Frenchman That Doesn't Suck.

Call me crazy but changes are afoot in the land of Brie and feminine armpit hair. Nicolas Sarkozy is not your normal cheese-eating surrender monkey. He's not afraid to tell the Viagra-gorged socialists that the French economy and the country as a whole is on the slippery slope to extinction. Plus, he's actually willing to go on record with appreciation and thanks to America for it's role in the liberation of France in WW II. Holy crap, where did this Frenchy come from?

This guy has decided that France is going to sink or swim with the US. "You mean if we needed to fly over your airspace for a military operation you might let us?" Wow, what a novel concept for a NATO ally. Do you know how I know he's serious about mending the fences between our too countries? He had dinner with Bush, and didn't vomit (that we know of). What other self-respecting Frenchman, or American for that matter, could sit down to dinner with that witless twit, suffer through a formal six course dinner, and not lose control of at least one bodily function. Not many. Sarkozy, you've got my respect.

"But Uncle Jimbo, couldn't it just be lip service?"

Excellent point, it could be. And I wouldn't put it past a Fenchman to stroke the American Ego like a $5 whore before pile-driving some ass-hatted socialist agenda on us. But I don't think so...not this time. I think this guy gets it. He understands the French immigration issue. He understands that America, not the EU, is going to save the free world from fundamentalist Islam. He understands that the world economy balances on the head of a pin and that a strong US economy is the only way to keep it from falling into the abyss. Thank God he gets it, if only the four-day weekenders known as Congress got it. Interestingly, he reminds me a lot of Giuliani.

But the most interesting thing of all. This guy actually got elected as the President of France. That mean that a large percentage of the voters picked him even though they knew he has man-love for America. And that my friends, tells you just how bad it is over there in France. And if we're not careful, we're next. And no amounts of alcohol, Dancing with the Stars, and NASCAR will be able to distract the average American.

Age-old French Tradition Is Changing

In a shocking turn of events, and in a show of support for French soccer star Zinedine Zidane, the French people selected the head-butt as their new official form of surrender in their annual popular vote. This marks the first time since the popular vote was introduced in 1947 that the white flag will not be a part of the standard surrender process for French citizens.

"It was obvious, I think, to everyone that Zidane had given up in the second overtime. For him the writing was on the locker-room wall, it just wasn't worth fighting the fight anymore. The cold shower and consolation champagne must have seemed much more appealing." said French Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy. "It's possible this is a one-year change, but I'd be surprised if the white flag comes back anytime soon." Other than the "Yankerchief" year of 1979, and 1994*, this is the first time that the traditional waving or displaying a white flag is not the preferred method of surrender.

The Geneva Convention stipulates specifically that the white flag will be used as a sign of surrender or cease-fire. As such the France will continue to honor the traditional method, while lobbying the larger EU community to raise awareness for their new, unique method. German Chancellor Angela Merkel received a personal phone call from French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin to announce the change. "We just wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any confusion between our two countries." Villepin said in a follow-on statement.

We'll have to wait until next year to see if the head-butt catches on, or if it's just another sign of World Cup mania.

* In 1994, an embarrassing situation arose when it was discovered that the winning method of surrender, stuffing a white flag in your mouth, was in fact both nominated and seconded not by citizens of France, but by two English born university students on summer break in the riviera.

Johnny Knoxville Rocks

Well, I haven't seen the Ringer yet, but I'm going to enjoy it. I was talking with some friends over the holiday and told them that the story of cheaters in the special olympics isn't original. That in fact a French basketball team did it a few years ago. Here's the article, only I had a couple of details wrong, it wasn't the Special Olympics, it was the Paralympics and it wasn't the French it was the Spanish. But hey, the French probably thought of it first they just didn't have enough balls to try to pull it off.

The Shame In Spain

Stories That NEVER Get Old

It might just be me, but stories about drunk lesbian cheerleaders having sex in public restrooms and trying to start a full-on bar brawl just don't ever get old.

In other news, I'm really not sure this could have happened to a nicer country. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of senseless violence, but when the French are involved you always have to wonder if it's really senseless.

The thing that drives me nuts is that this isn't a race or cultural issue. This is about the rich (or perceived rich) and the poor. There are also always going to be poor, really poor, people that are going to do uncivilized things because they think it's the only way they're going to survive. I can forgive most of these actions. But it's the poor people that hide behind religion or some other "cause" that really piss me off. Generally, I think they're too lazy or too crazy to fix what's broken in their own lives, so they resort to sabotaging the lives of others.

In America it's called The Man. In the rest of the world it's called America. Either way, it's people thinking that somehow, someone else has more control over the outcome of their life than they do. Sorry but actually you're probably just a lazy dumb bastard with little self-worth and a chronic drug problem to show for it. Either that or you've had some some rich crazy "holy" man convince you that blowing stuff up is the only way to affect positive change. Nice work jackass, I can only hope through sheer stupidity that some of you people manage to blow yourselves up before you get to your target.

So here's my advice for the day. If you see someone in need, and can afford to help them, do so. If you are in need, get the hell off my site and go find a job.

Media of the Week

I mean, other than the potential of leaving a floater for someone else to mistake for a water-logged candy bar, I couldn't agree more. Nashua Telegraph

The French would just let this one die if Armstrong drove a tank and spoke German. But no they have to get all pissed off over a bicycle race. Interestingly, the average Frenchman might want to try steroids. I hear a cocktail of 'roids and stem cells has been shown to create spines in lab animals.

Hey Jean-Marie did anyone ever tell you that you have two girls names.

And finally, from a movie that doesn't suck.