When Will It End? How's Never, is Never Good For You?

It's pretty rare that I feel sorry for a politician, but this guy can't buy a break. Maybe he's a racist, but my guess is he doesn't hate black people. My guess he's just stupid.

What the NAACP and all politically correct asshats fail to understand is that people have the right (thank you First Amendment) to say whatever they want (with a few specific excepts). What many people are failing to come to grips with is that language is fluid and people's speech, thanks to an ever falling level of proper use, varies widely. Words mean different things to different people. Any attempt to hold people to a common standard of good taste, morality, articulation, and intelligence is a futile effort.

At the center of this issue is the use of linguistic style and "short-cuts". Analogies, metaphors, colloquialisms, and even sarcasm, contribute to a variety of communication styles that require everyone understand the context of the language. In this world of sound bites and knee jerk reactions, context always seems to take a back seat to social agendas. Reading/hearing the words without understanding the underlying intent makes you as ignorant as those who's words you are attacking.

Let's take the lynching comment. I'm sure the term "lynch mob" generates very different imagery in Utah than it does in Mississippi. He used the term to get a point across in a very concise way. I understand what he was trying to say. We get this reaction from Mr. Lewis:

"The man knows nothing about what a lynch mob is...It's an insult for the man to say he's being lynched when we know what real lynchings are."

Really Mr. Lewis, when is the last time you witnessed a lynching? Really, you think Buttars actually thought he had a group of hate-filled people running around suburban Salt Lake with some rope? Really!

Well you know what Mr. Lewis, you're a shithead. And so there is no confusion, I do not believe you actually have feces in or on your head. Uncle Jimbo doesn't live in an African-American and white world. He lives in a world filled with levels gray (and Asians). Buttars should know this too. He should have been smart enough, given the current hot water he was in, to choose his words more carefully and avoid terms like "lynch mob". That just makes him stupid, along with Mr. Lewis and the rest of the NAACP.

My final thought. If we spent more time teaching our kids real world linguistic skills including both proper and common usage along with a little bit of tolerance we'd all be better off. Unfortunately my complete lack of faith in humanity leads me to believe that this slippery slope of chocolate-colored political correctness will NEVER end.

And the PC Beat Goes On

Just when you thought the only retarded thing to come out of Virginia was...um...everyone. It turns out that's true. The politically correct state senate found it necessary to ban the term "retarded".

What the article failed to mention is that the majority of the senator's stationary, name tags, and security badges will also have to be updated.

FACT: Mental retardation affects all levels of government. Changing the name won't change the fact.

Asshatted Constitutional Fact of Week

I read an article in the Sunday paper regarding the affect of the census on congressional representation. Now it's not often that I read something that I don't already know, and maybe I knew this at one time and just decided to purge it.

Fact: Congressional representation is based on populations from the census. These populations include all persons, not just US citizens.

Excerpt from the 14th amendment:

"Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed. But when the right to vote at any election for the choice of electors for President and Vice-President of the United States, Representatives in Congress, the Executive and Judicial officers of a State, or the members of the Legislature thereof, is denied to any of the male inhabitants of such State, being twenty-one years of age, and citizens of the United States, or in any way abridged, except for participation in rebellion, or other crime, the basis of representation therein shall be reduced in the proportion which the number of such male citizens shall bear to the whole number of male citizens twenty-one years of age in such State."

Can someone please explain to me how it makes sense that illegals...excuse me, non-citizens...should get representation WHEN THEY CAN'T VOTE FOR THEM!

Apparently they weren't worried about the impact of illegal, non-citizens back in 1868 when this amendment was drafted. It's obvious they made a distinction between the population at large and the population of citizens, but why? I guess what I'm most shocked at is the fact that this has an impact on several states including California, New York, Arizona and Texas (all having more representatives because of non-citizens) and the less obvious upper mid-west states that are losing out on representatives. And of course this issue then carries over to the ever-flawed electoral college.

There are over a million illegals entering the country annually. The real problem...yes, it is a problem...is only going to get worse. Thankfully there are some in Congress trying to take action. So take a minute and get familiar with the issue, and then contact your representative and let them know how you feel. Of course if you live in California, New York, Texas or Arizona you might also want to send a note to Barry Bonds suggesting he take himself off the hall of fame ballot in a few years, it'll get about as much traction. Here's a link to some information.

Now if I find out you didn't bother getting involved, I guess I'll have to start buying houses in your sub-division and renting them out to some illegals. Next thing you'll know you'll have a Molson swilling, hockey fan living next to you singing Celine Dion tunes in his outdoor shower while you're trying to have a patio party.

It's aboot freedom, it's aboot democracy, it's aboot proper representation.

Don't Throw Out Those Cans

I'm pretty sure that if you work for a corporate HR department, and solid sexual harassment policies are as dear to you as double footlongs with chili are to Michael Moore, you should avoid including images like this one in your HR newsletter. Even if it is only an article on an upcoming food drive.









Tisk, tisk. You really should know your slang a little better. Cans: Slang for a woman's breasts. All HR departments should have at least one man on staff to proof read anything that leaves the department.

It's obvious that women don't keep up on these things. Laughing out loud, I showed the newsletter to my wife and she had no clue why the image was funny. Which leads me to believe that women may think they understand men and know what we're thinking, but in reality they're as clueless about us as we are about them.

Fact: Men have over 200 terms that can be used to refer to women's breasts. And we're making up new ones all the time.

Fact: Men are stupid. In our attempt to “not get caught,” we make up these new terms. Turns out, women have better things to do than figure out our juvenile language games. Damn, we could have been using cans and ta-tas all along.

Common Sense Prevails...If Only For a While

These types of stories still amazing me. I'm not sure which I'm more amazed at: being offended by a toy, or banning "offending material" because one person complains. If someone crapped on my dinner my first response wouldn't be to take offense. I would think, "Damn! What did I do to this guy? He doesn't look familiar." Now that may make me thick-skinned, but there's no reason that people have to get all worked up over business that isn't theirs.

Take the person in this article, getting offended by a toy pig. Hello. It's made out of plastic, or cloth, or some otherwise non-offensive material. How can a toy, made out of a non-offensive material offend you? Get real. If you don't like it, don't look at it. Does even the word "pork" offend you? Yes? Good...pork...pork, pork, pork...pork. PORK, PORK....PORKPORKPORK.

You know what would happen if I got to decide what was offensive and what wasn't, people would either wear burlap sacks and brown paper bags or they would be naked (women only thanks). Only naked isn't entirely true, 98% of everyone would have duct tape over their mouths. Not because what they say is offensive, but how they say it. I just don't want to listen too them.

Gone would be the Oxygen network, Fox executives, John Madden, and people who use the phrase "mute point". Out would be mushrooms, greeting cards, and all holidays other than Christmas and the 4th of July. Every member of congress would be looking for a job, and Best Grip Mike would be providing legally enforced community service at the weekly Young Republicans meeting.

But, as a white protestant male I have no individual authority. So I have to learn to suck it up. I have to listen to pop-rap music when I'm in the mall, watch my beloved sports succumb to corporate sponsorship (I've got your Degree All-in Moment right here!), try to figure out what all the colored ribbons and bracelets are for (like I care), and endure advertisements for all sorts of feminine products on television.

So all you people out there that think you've got something to be offended about; Kiss My Ass, I'm offended by you. My sensibilities are assailed on a daily basis but you don't see me go whining to HR. If you don't like it leave. Go to France, whining is a national pastime there. Or better yet, go to California. Based on current events and the overall mass of Michael Moore that slide into the Pacific can't be far away.

People Don't Get It!

Hey, what’s up with people who get angry at sarcastic comments. I mean it’s not like the comments are swift and powerful sword strokes at an individual’s intelligence or lack there of. Except that most of the time they are sword strokes aimed at an individual’s intelligence. Some people get all worked, and all I can think is, “Yes I was mocking you. Can I have my fries now.” Most people take the Stooges approach to humor and beat you over the head with it. There’s no skill in that. If humor were food, sarcasm would be the meat food group.

It's About Freak'in Time

It's about time someone with knowledge, experience, and facts spoke up.

Screw you and your lame-ass political agenda Best Grip Mike. You make me want to vomit.

Blame Amid the Tragedy

Fun with Human Resources

And now it's time for another episode of Fun with Human Resources. In today's episode we'll cover a fun game we call the Golden Pole Award.

Now if you're a tree hugging, Saab driving, hot dog abusing, crappy documentary making, politically corrected, gerbal hole then you may want to draw a Community Chest card. Go to HR, go directly to HR. Do not pass your sense of humor. Do not collect a good laugh.

Now that we've got those gerbal holes chasing their tails I'll give you the scope. The Golden Pole Award goes to the person or persons who, unintentionally, made the most sexually suggestive comments over the past week. Like the Oscars, nominations alone are something to be proud of, but actually being able slap that beautifully shaped pole on your desk is a magical feeling.

There are no hard, fast rules on nominations or the determination of the weekly winner. Sometimes the comments are so good that we forego the nominations and simply give the little pole to the winner.

In case you're having a hard time grasping the pole, here are a couple of past winners.

[While discussing the testing of a new software version....]"Why don't you let me play with it because I don't play with it everyday like you do."

or

[While discussing a flight to New York city via Ithaca, NY...]"I don't know why we stop there. No one ever gets off in Ithaca."

Again, these comments have to be made during the course of normal conversation. Once your Award program becomes wildly successful you might want to keep your BS detector up. People will try to "steal" the award with planned material. There are bastards everywhere.

Anyway, have fun, enjoy the pole. I think I'll head home, maybe my wife wants hot sausage for dinner.