Uncle Jimbo goes offsite

There's an interesting discussion in the comments of this blog post. Uncle Jimbo jumps in with both feet.

Politically Correct Asshat of the Month

Let me set the stage for this one. I loves video games. My dorkishness in this area is so complete that I still get paper magazines with video game news. I am currently playing Rock Band, an excellent game allowing players to be a rock band guitarist, drummer, or vocalist. It's fun and is a great party game. Stage set.

This is a letter to the editor found in the February 2008 issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly (or EGM for us gamer dorks):

"I don't agree with the target audience of Rock Band. African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and any other people who don't like heavy metal and rock are purposely overlooked. Gamers come in all races and colors, and Rock Band's songs should reflect that. They left out many of the greatest artists of all time. Disco, jazz, R&B, hip-hop, Latin, rap, and pop--where are they? My daughter asked me if the makers of the game were racist. Maybe you can answer her? -- Jon Harris"

Go ahead, reread that one. Let it sink in. Ok, so here is the wonderfully articulate, concise, and brilliant response from the editor:

"You're right--it must be a racist conspiracy. How else to explain the fact that a game called Rock Band is full of rock songs?"

Has the liberal political correctness gone so far in this country that people are going out of their way to find racial and culture bias in everthing? Look, if I could get a first person shooter where everybody had their IQs floating above their head which allowed me to quickly find my targets of opportunity I buy it in an instant. But just because game developers don't cater to my iniate desire to kill virtual idiots doesn't get me a bent out of shape. Let's take a look at this letter in detail:

"I don't agree with the target audience of Rock Band. [I'm sure your opinion is going to carry great weight in the next Rock Band product development meeting.] African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans [Aren't you racially profiling blacks and hispanics as not liking rock music. I bet that pisses off Carlos Santana and the guys from Living Color.], and any other people who don't like heavy metal and rock are purposely overlooked [Oh, they're not overlooked, they are ignored completely. BECAUSE THE GAME IS ABOUT ROCK! Did you send this same type of letter to the studio that released the movie School of Rock? Because, and I'm sure you'll agree, that movie would have been way better if Jack Black had taught the kids the virtures of lounge music]. Gamers come in all races and colors [you forgot size and shape. Like yours, "XXXL Pear"], and Rock Band's songs should reflect that [Rock Band's songs should reflect what their marketing department says will sell. Nothing more, nothing less]. They left out many of the greatest artists of all time. [This is the only statement I agree with, where are the Beatles, Zepplin, Genesis (Gabriel era), and Fleetwood Mac?] Disco, jazz [Tell me, how many gamers would know the lyrics to more than a couple jazz songs? Great, but unmarketable, music], R&B, hip-hop [sic!], Latin, rap [Yes, yes. This would be sweet, then you could have little after concert mini-games where you shoot up, bang some ho's, and pop a cap in some left coast gangsta'], and pop--where are they? [In the trash with all the other shitty ideas] My daughter asked me if the makers of the game were racist. [Let me guess, either A) you are too liberally biased to care about teaching her the fundamental principles of capitalistic economics, or B) you are just too damn stupid to provide her the answer]. Maybe you can answer her? [John you fucking wanker. As if the rest of your letter wasn't a dead give away, here you step right up and declare "I'm a liberal asshat looking for anyone other than me to raise my daughter." And who do you turn to? The media. Wow, the socialist circle of life is complete. Maybe you should have given your daughter a project to write a letter to the publisher of Rock Band where she could explain her feelings and ask for the reasoning behind the selection of music for the game. No, that wouldn't serve your agenda (I'm probably giving you way too much credit here, assuming that you're not just a lemming). You are the bane of my existence Jon Harris, you represent a group-think that is destroying the very fabric of my country. If you want a Rap Band game then GO FUCKING MAKE ONE!] -- Jon Harris"

P.S. You'll soon be the proud father of an 18 year-old, welfare-addicted mother of two+ with no future. Does it really matter if she knows how to play John Lee Hooker's Huckle Up Baby on a plastic guitar?

Asshat of the Month Award

Ah, the Asshat awards. Nothing brings out the fight in uncle Jimbo more than the battle for the title of Crown Prince of Idiocy. As usual it was a dogfight between Best Grip Mike (Moore) and his [current] insane ravings and a select few individuals whose mental powers prohibit them from applying for any job which require the use of heavy equipment. So, without further verbosity, here are the finalists:

Michael Moore: writer/director, nominated for Sicko.

Al Gore: self-proclaimed inventor of the Internet and savior of mother earth, nominated for his personal inconvenient truth (personal electric bill).

Jack Thompson: lawyer, God-fearing Republican, and crusader against the wretched hive of villainy know as the entertainment industry, nominated just for being himself.

Wow, this is a great group of nominees. We've got the man who double-fists foot-longs and uses a garden hose to drink his margaritas from a kiddie pool bashing Republicans for the poor condition of the health care system. Easy winner you say. Probably. But I haven't seen the "film" so I don't feel as those I can properly comment on the issue. Yeah, right. Sure I can.

Dear Mike, Hello [knocks on his oversized mellon] you big fat walking heart attack. The biggest problem with our health-care system isn't the cost of drugs, or the doctors, or yes, even the Republicans. It's all the fat, unhealthy bastards like you that live your lives under the freedoms and liberties of this country, not worried a bit about your health until the pseudo-meat and Cheese Whiz finally seizes up your pumper. Then it's all about how the "system" failed you. The insurance is too expensive, the drugs are too expensive, blah blah blah. The system that failed you is the one that kept your food-filled hand continually entering your mouth. Things are broken in this country because people fail to take responsibility for their own actions. As much as I'd like to keep going, the other nominees needs some airtime.

Al, Al, Al. You ignorant slut. $30,000/year in utility bills. Nice...your Honor, In light of this new evidence, I rest my case. Things are broken in this country because people fail to take responsibility for their own actions. [FYI, he's another fat bastard that's going to be taxing our health-care system in a couple of years.]

And then there's Jack Thompson. Many of you might not know him, but he will most likely be a multi-award winning asshat. I probably should have commented on him before, I must be slipping in my old age. If you do any research on this guy you'll find someone, despite his God-fearing, Republican background, that is more about regulating behavior than he is about reforming behavior.

It a nutshell, he believes that the evils (e.g. violence) of the entertainment industry, are what drive certain youth to commit crimes such as the Virgina Tech and Columbine incidents. He has specifically targeted violent video games as a key source of this anti-social behavior calling them "murder simulators". As a father, Republican, God-fearing man, and video game player, I think you're an asshat Jack Thompson. You win this month's award.

It couldn't possibly be the lack of proper parenting or the sensationalized media coverage that drive these troubled kids to violence. Millions of kids play semi-violent or violent video games. I and millions of kids have watched a coyote take an anvil to the head and plummet into a cloud of dust. superheroes beat up super-villians, cowboys shoot indians (and other cowboys). Over 99.99 percent of those children have never taken up arms against their peers. From a purely mathematical perspective all your points are invalid. The numbers just don't bear out the cause and effect you're trying to sell. Quite trying to regulate behavior and start working to reform it. Things are broken in this country because people fail to take responsibility for their own actions.

And for the record Jack, video games don't make me want to kick your ass, YOU make me want to kick your ass.