Mathematical Proof for the Ages

If Scientology = Religion then Training ≠ Education

At least according to this story. Two of the organizations I despise most make a pact, monies are exchanges, and they'd like everyone to just forget about it.

'Ms. Yingling said the training Scientologists can deduct is not the same as religious education. "The use of the word 'training' in Scientology is not analogous to education," she said. "It's just another way of advancing spiritually in Scientology."'

Ah, it's perfectly clear. So:

If Tom Mapother = Michael Jackson and IRS = Ass-covering Douche Bags and Scientology ≠ Shit Crazy Cult then Training = Spiritual Advancement and Average American Tax Payer = Prison Bitch Q.E.D.

So given that proof, my suggestion to all those Oval-worshipping NASCAR fans is to start deducting you 30 packs of Keystone Light because I know they are an integral component of your spiritual advancement.

What on earth are we doing in this country when some asshat can have his thetans measured tax-free, but parents can't deduct their children's education. WTF.

Tom Mapother on Tom Mapother: Nut Job

Just when you think it can't get any more strange. This video gets released.

Uncle Jimbo's Random Thoughts on the video:
Tom, you are indeed one of the most mentally unstable people I have ever seen. How do I know? You're laugh. There are three categories of laughs:

1. Infectious - You can't help but laugh with them
2. Silly - You can't help but laugh at them
3. Mapother - You can't help but get creeped out

You, you crazy wanker, have you're own special category. Tell me how much money has it cost you to "earn" the right to call yourself a scientologist? "Create new and better realities" and "effectively change peoples live". Wow, that's inspiring. But I can think of only one way YOU could do that. STOP MAKING MOVIES!!!!

Best line: "I won't hesitate to put ethics in on someone else." [Note: No editorial comment needed]

"You're either on board, or your not on board." Yep, you nailed it, just two types of people. I'm just glad I don't even have a ticket to Kooksville, let along being on the departing train.

You mention a lot of stuff you scientologists can solve. But can you prevent freezer burn? Can you really cure Restless Leg Syndrome without the use of Mirapex? No? I didn't think so.

Watching the toothless gears of your brain turn makes you look like an uneducated dolt from Syracuse, New York.

Here's to hoping you someday meet a real live SP, and he/she does "it" (whatever "it" is) to you, to your face, to your spleen, and to your unborn children.

The Well Must Be Dry

In an odd turn of events, the church (sic) Of scientology is now the proud parent of a freshly painted Ford Taurus...with racing decals. It seems that they've subverted...er...converted all the celebrities they can so they have set their sights on a new target. And who better to confuse with nonsensical babble? The NASCAR crowd; the second gem in the triple crown of stupidity.

My question is, this can only mean that the NASCAR virus has taken a foothold in the affluent areas of America. I mean, other than money, why would the cOs be trying to recruit beer swilling rednecks? I guess it's possible that they're looking to add some muscle to their organization given that most of their current members are spineless, sissified, nancy-boys who probably need stand-ins for their personal sex lives.

And what, you ask, is the third gem in the triple crown?

"Mr. Kennedy and Ms. Clinton, could I take a few minutes of your time to discuss your past lives and thetan levels?"

It Couldn't Happen To a Crazier Asshat

Thank God the American public has some semblance of a clue regarding this nutjob. I have no plans to see Reality Impossible III, but I can only guess how horrific it is. The only sequel less interesting is my book would be Pearl Harbor 2. Hell, I think I'd rather see an Affleck movie right now, at least he knows how to have a good time without a copy of Dionetics in his pocket and it's unlikely that hackhole Tim Robbins would be a co-star.

Note to Meyer, Bruckheimer, and Grey: I am specifically not going to see this movie because Thomas Cruise Mapother IV is in the film. Either you're looking for your next "audit" for free, or you simply can't let a former box-office star go (aren't you still checking Stallone for tread life?). And guess what, if on the outside chance and by God's design I do come back in another life I'm still not going to watch any of Tom Mapother's shitty films.

War of the Worlds was the last piece of crap I suffered through. Interestingly, I'm surprised the church let him make that film. It must be okay to kill martians because they don't have thatens.

Great quote on thatens from Hubbard himself:
"From some experiments conducted about fifteen or twenty years ago--a thetan weighed about 1.5 ounces! Who made these experiments? Well, a doctor made these experiments. He weighed people before and after death, retaining any mass. He weighed the person, bed and all, and he found that the weight dropped at the moment of death about 1.5 ounces and some of them 2 ounces. (Those were heavy thetans.)"
Hubbard, The Phoenix Lectures, p. 147. Bridge Publications, 1982 ISBN 08840040062

Note to Reader: If you didn't get some of the Scientology references in here, check out Wiki, it's got a lot of info on the church.

Oh and Mapother: