"We have deserts, but we don't live in them"

That was a funny quote from a great routine by Sam Kinnison.

Living in upstate New York has its advantages. There really aren't any dangerous animals (save the occasional rabid raccoon) and the weather isn't going to crush, knock over, or wash away your house. The same can't be said for many other places in the country.

Take the gulf coast for example. I mean sure you get to live the life of leisure, poling your skiff through the marsh to try to catch the gator that's been eating your chicken, but what about those hurricanes. It's like time-share condos are the southern equivalent to the mid-west trailer park. And some people get hit year after year. I watch some of the interviews of people who've rebuilt their homes several times and all I can say is, "Damn, you're one stupid bastard." I can't even call them unlucky. Getting hit with a tornado is like finding a meaningful scene in Speilbergs' War of the Worlds....highly unlikely. Hurricanes on the other hand are like implausible, unnecessary, over-the-top effects. You know you're going to get it, it's only a matter of when. (Special Note to Steve: If this was a tribute to George with it's flat uninteresting characters, been-there-done-that story, and dialog that would make me want to destroy all humans, then you succeeded. Only thing you missed is that you should have stolen the look of the aliens from Star Wars instead of ID4. A bunch of ass-kicking Jar Jars would have made this movie super sweet.)

So here is my advice to those living in an area that might get hit by the next Cat 5. Move. Oh, you can't afford to move? But you can afford to rebuild your home again? You are retarded. If you can't afford to move try this. Next time a hurricane is on the way, throw all you crap in a boat, strap yourselves in, point it north and get ready for a wild ride. I guarantee you'll end up someplace better than that soggy, craptaularly ill-placed hovel you call home. Trust me.

So I have this friend....

that thinks it's necessary to send me marked up copies of all my blogs so that I can correct the typos, spelling errors, and grammatical mistakes. At first I thought that's very nice of him; he's a good friend. Realizing that I do fat finger things or change the structure of a sentence without catching a change in tense I updated my posts based on his feedback. At that point I started proof reading my posts more diligently in an attempt to reduce these types of errors, and I think I've been more successful than not. But then I find out that he does this because it really bugs him to read something with mistakes.

This reminds me of a personal strategy I almost implemented a year or so ago. I was going to buy a bunch of hands-free head sets for cell phones and start giving them out to all the idiots who continue to talk on their phones, and break the law, while driving. You'd think that people important enough that they have to be available even when they're running to the store would have jobs producing enough income to purchase a $10 headset. I mean seriously, you must be really, really important. Talking someone through open-heart surgery from your Beamer must be very difficult work. I'll never know because I can actually go through a whole day without talking to someone on the phone. In fact, gasp, I don't even own a cell phone.

I gave up the idea because it would have showed that I cared a little, which I don't. More importantly I would have had to spend money on stupid people which goes against several of my personal ethics rules (unless of course the money would go towards a vasectomy or tubal sterilization).

My point is it turns out I don't care if there are a couple of typos in my blogs. If I get my point across that's all that matters. Ultimately, if these few typos bug the crap out of my friend, they're all worth it.

Thanks my friend. All future typos are just for you.

The Ignored Epidemic

There are many horrible afflictions in the world today: AIDS, Cancer, West Nile to name a few. But there is one that no one seems to want to talk about or address. I don't see millions of dollars being dumped into research in an attempt to solve the problem. We've got massive R&D efforts going into erectile dysfunction drugs, but not a penny that I'm aware of trying to correct the biggest problem to face this nation, and possibly this planet, since the Black Death. It's not something we see big multi-band concerts supporting, or celebrities speaking out on (although I think I know why). Even the talk shows don't seem to want to face the issue head on, although empirically many of them cover it every day.

So what is this heinous affliction threatening our neighbors, co-workers, and even our own families? Stupidity. Yes, the most taboo of mental diseases goes unchecked on a daily basis and I for one am fed up. This is not your average Forrest Gump stupid I'm talking about. Nor is it that teenage stupidity that many don't outgrown until their mid-20s. This is the full-on, no-questions-asks, "you did what?" adult stupidity.

We've got mothers putting children in car trunks on a weekly basis. We've got politician that wouldn't know the definition of the word "platform" if it bit them in the arse. We've got Tom Cruise opening his mouth. Our education system is failing to identify and label these people. Medical science continues to save individuals, who through their own actions, would have died in days gone by. They come from every walk of life; rich and poor, black and white. They walk among us, and damn it I want to know who they are before their stupidity directly affects me. I still firmly believe in manditory sterlization of stupid people.

We are failing ourselves by not pointing out at every opportunity the stupid acts we see every day. So try this the next time you see someone being stupid, punch them (you have to hit them, they don't understand verbal negative reinforcement) and remind them, "You're an idiot. And when you wake up tomorrow, you'll still be an idiot. So do us all a favor and don't wake up. But if you can't help yourself, as you lie there in bed, try holding your breath for a couple of minutes. Trust me, you'll see some really cool colors."

"Only two things in life are infinite--the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe."

-- Albert Einstein

Why do you think he built the A-bomb? [Editors Note: Thanks to DP for pointing out that Einstein was not directly involved in the Manhattan Project, however he did write a letter to Roosevelt and my guess is that he had stupid people (like Hitler) in mind when he wrote it.]

Punch an idiot today. And if necessary, beat them like a rented mule. Sometimes it's the only way.

Virgil Brigman is Back on the Air!

And you all thought I was lost in the Abyss of vacation. Well, I'm back. And so are my quotes, random thoughts, and musings.

We went to an arts festival yesterday. There was some nice work, but the art work I need to comment on is the increasing tattoo population. They were everywhere. Now, of course, I have an opinion on tattoos. Generally I think that expressing oneself by permanently altering your body is a bit excessive. I would suggest a new tee shirt, or hat or something. Tattoos are sort of like bumper stickers on a car....what if Kerry/Edwards loses? Then you're stuck with that dumb sticker til you get rid of your '84 Saab. So my advice, don't get a tattoo they're a bit too permanent.

But the reason for my post today is a suggestion to all those woman who have decided to get tattoos on their lower backs. For the love of God, what are you thinking? Sure, right now it's an attractive, inviting, cute little butterfly. Ten years and two kids from now and it's going to look like Mothra flying over the Sumida river. Try a permanent marker "arrow" instead. It gets the point across and at some point it'll wash off in case it doesn't work out for you.