Call Me Old Fashioned

What the hell is this guy thinking?

Generally I'm not going to ingest anything that is known to be genetically defective. This general principle carries over to other areas of my life and the rules that I live by.

I won't:

• be entertained by anything genetically defective (see Michael Jackson rules, see also Michael Moore compendium)
• sleep with anything that is genetically defective (see Cher rule)
• work for anyone that is genetically defective (see Bill Gates rule)
• take advice from the genetically defective (see Tony Robbins rule)
• make a movie with anything that is genetically defective (see Damon/Affleck rule)

Oh, and Santa...

Make sure you give these guys something special this year....

Dear Santa,

With only a few days left before you take to the skies I wanted to give you my Christmas list. Now I know that you've been stealing NSA satellite time to keep an eye on people, but if you ignore some of my lesser moments this year, I won't blow you in as a foreigner performing terrorist-like activities on US soil. Not mention working the rooftops of American homes without a proper work visa.

So, just get me a couple of these things and there won’t be any problems:

1. A license to kill
2. Rock’em Sock’em Robots (classic)
3. A severe case of IBS for Best Grip Mike (aka Michael Moore)
4. Another Superbowl win for the Patriots (you can never have too many)
5. A Lennonesque holiday for Bono (Person of the Year my ass)
6. Any cool, super-violent, video game (preferably one that a congressperson has commented on but never seen)
7. No more George Lucas movies
8. Another corporate re-organization
9. PEZ candy the size of those big dispensers
10. An updated version of Rosemary’s Baby starring Katie Holmes
11. A Cubs team that plays ABOVE expectations
12. Peace on Earth and good will to all men [not in the Church of Scientology]

Thanks Santa, I know you’ll do the right thing…

He Ran Away From Who?

I have only one comment after reading this, "Are you kidding me, you ran scared from Hayden Christensen."

Next time try to follow up your great one-line with a kick to the nuts. Then you can walk away with a smile on your face.