Level 5

Continued from Level 4.

So you walked the hot coals of corporate incompetence. You've been engulfed in the flames of ass-hattedness. You've snatched the golden Idol of Sanity from the tomb of upper management. You've seriously considered starting a fight club at work and inviting a few special people. But you haven't been able to bring yourself to end the relationship.

Flipping off [insert asinine co-worker here] would be deeply satisfying. Emailing the entire company with all the stupid decisions you've seen (and would change) seems like a brilliant idea. But you can't seem to bring yourself to add your John Hancock to a document stating all the reasons that your job and employer sucks and why you're going to begin your online professional poker career. There's something that keeps you. Maybe it's the people (the non-stupid ones anyway). Maybe it's the money, security, or the hot girl in logistics. Something prevents you from "burning your bridges" and walking out the door. [Editors Note: "Burning bridges" is a stupid metaphor. If I was going to burn anything before I left a job it would be the people I couldn't stand.]

So, there you are at level 4 (or maybe 2 or 3). Trying to make sense of it all. Unable to find any level of satisfaction in the job you used to enjoy. It's time to take action. Problem is, you've got to find your own way to Level 5. You're not going to find it on Google Maps, even though it looks like they've got everything else. Unlike some of the transitions between other Levels, attaining Level 5 is not automatic. You have to work at it. Someday I might write a book about the transition. I'd call it "Sacred Level 5: Spirtual Lessons of a Cubicle Warrior." (I stole that idea from Phil Jackson. The only thing better than stealing from Phillip would be kicking him in the genitals.)

Level 5 is a state of mind that is hard to explain. In fact, it may be something different to each person. No, none of that Zen crap. Just a different way of viewing the drudgery of your daily work life. Level 5 is about being able to look at the idiocy around you without it adversely affecting you. I say "adversely" because ideally you'll be able to look at the situations, which at Level 4 you were thinking WTF, and respond with "Wow, that's messed up....but funny". Then you laugh. You laugh at the situation, at the people, and about how none of it really matters.

Find the humor in everything. If you get stuck cleaning up someone elses' mess don't get mad at him. Just laugh and think, "Man, at least I don't have man boobs like that tool." Humor is the great equalizer and is the critical component to a successful life at Level 5.

So although I can't tell you how to get there. I can give you an idea of how you can tell if you've made it:

• If anyone mentions HR your first thought is that Derrick Lee hit another one


• You want to be involved with the new project because you want to witness the carnage from the inside


• You're disappointed each morning you swipe your security card and the door actually opens...maybe tomorrow


• You no longer complain about work to your spouse or friends


• You're spouse or friends ask you if you've gotten a new job


• You are no longer annoyed by slackers, in fact, you start checking out their techniques


• Rather than stewing over stupid work crap you spend your free moments blogging


• When asked why you're still working here, you response simply with, "If I leave, who's going to turn off the lights and lock the door when this place goes under." or "Are you kidding me, THIS is reality TV. Hey where's my video camera?"


• You watch Office Space and laugh. Not because you empathize, because it's funny

And speaking of Office Space, the attitude that Peter had after his encounter with the hypnotherapist is what you should strive for. Level 5 has gotten me through a lot of tough situations. So much so that when people ask how I'm doing, pretty much the only truthful response is, "Well, I haven't been arrested."

Level 5: Gone are the feelings of helplessness, anger, frustration, and utter disillusionment. In is a calm, matter-of-fact, "what crazy sh$% am I going to see today" attitude. You desire to experience work from a higher place as if the building were a giant habitrail. Many will take your attitude for a lack of caring. But it's really more that you're resigned to the outcome that fate has determined; satisfied with the front-row seat that's been gifted to you. Humor is cog to the Level 5 machine, without which there is no outlet. The simple things at work keep you going, bad decisions, faux pas [damn, I used another french term], and other people's pain. These are the things that keep you going. Consume them like Michael Moore eats Little Debbie Snack Cakes, but without all the crumbs.