I Knew It! Jeff Cook Does Love the Purple Penetrator

A 13-year-old student in Ohio was suspending for doing what 43% of all 13 year olds do: pull pranks, make sex jokes, and disrespect authority figures. So how exactly can the school justify expelling the kid? And how close to the truth must M.O. have gotten for Principle Jeff Cook to get so bent? These are the questions that apparently only our legal system can answer.

Seriously Jeff. One of two things has happened:

A. You had no idea when you got into education that kids think all teachers and principals are dicks or bitches. Now your entire view of the public education system, society, and our children is forever tainted.

or

B. You understand kid's views on teachers and principles and you're just too much of a hard ass to handle this in the proper way (sans the Purple Penetrator). A good principle, like Ed Rooney, would let this one go. Then, with hope-filled anticipation, you'd wait for the future felon to make a mistake on school grounds.

Alas, there are not enough Ed Rooney's in the world. Welcome to the 21st century Mr. Cook, you ass-grabbing, dildo-loving pedophile. You should have left this disciplinary matter to the parents. Who in turn should have put down their Old Milwaukees, turned off the TV, and explained to little M.O. exactly why what he did was disrespectful, inappropriate, and just plain wrong. How this type of thing gets into our court systems is beyond me.

What we have here are multiple nominations for asshat of the week.

When Will It End? How's Never, is Never Good For You?

It's pretty rare that I feel sorry for a politician, but this guy can't buy a break. Maybe he's a racist, but my guess is he doesn't hate black people. My guess he's just stupid.

What the NAACP and all politically correct asshats fail to understand is that people have the right (thank you First Amendment) to say whatever they want (with a few specific excepts). What many people are failing to come to grips with is that language is fluid and people's speech, thanks to an ever falling level of proper use, varies widely. Words mean different things to different people. Any attempt to hold people to a common standard of good taste, morality, articulation, and intelligence is a futile effort.

At the center of this issue is the use of linguistic style and "short-cuts". Analogies, metaphors, colloquialisms, and even sarcasm, contribute to a variety of communication styles that require everyone understand the context of the language. In this world of sound bites and knee jerk reactions, context always seems to take a back seat to social agendas. Reading/hearing the words without understanding the underlying intent makes you as ignorant as those who's words you are attacking.

Let's take the lynching comment. I'm sure the term "lynch mob" generates very different imagery in Utah than it does in Mississippi. He used the term to get a point across in a very concise way. I understand what he was trying to say. We get this reaction from Mr. Lewis:

"The man knows nothing about what a lynch mob is...It's an insult for the man to say he's being lynched when we know what real lynchings are."

Really Mr. Lewis, when is the last time you witnessed a lynching? Really, you think Buttars actually thought he had a group of hate-filled people running around suburban Salt Lake with some rope? Really!

Well you know what Mr. Lewis, you're a shithead. And so there is no confusion, I do not believe you actually have feces in or on your head. Uncle Jimbo doesn't live in an African-American and white world. He lives in a world filled with levels gray (and Asians). Buttars should know this too. He should have been smart enough, given the current hot water he was in, to choose his words more carefully and avoid terms like "lynch mob". That just makes him stupid, along with Mr. Lewis and the rest of the NAACP.

My final thought. If we spent more time teaching our kids real world linguistic skills including both proper and common usage along with a little bit of tolerance we'd all be better off. Unfortunately my complete lack of faith in humanity leads me to believe that this slippery slope of chocolate-colored political correctness will NEVER end.

Gimp Saved from the Steely Toothed Maw of Darwin

I'd say, "Only in New York City", but this is probably happening in Hoboken too. Hangy Spanky. Great article title. I'll tell you this, if his foot slipping out of his shoe means that his feet are no longer touching the floor, then his feet weren't touching the floor in the first place. Hopefully New York's finest can figure that one out without me or David Caruso (sic! As if he would help).

You can picture it now..."Go get the gimp, oh crap he's blue!" What a bunch of fruit cakes. I can only hope that "Roger" wasn't our very own Col. Dutch Mustard. I know things have been a bit dry for him lately but I hope he hasn't fallen back into this life style. Dutch, where were you this weekend? Should I send a card and new leather chaps?

Uncle Jimbo's Vault of Wisdom

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