Use the Correct Tool Jackass

Just a brief note to all you so-called computer users who don't seem to understand which software application to use for your various tasks. Specifically all you wankers who think it's a good idea to write a novel using Microsoft Excel.

If you want to write a book (paper, request for proposal, or any other text heavy document) use the proper tool, it's called Microsoft Word (or any other Word processor, I'm not pitching MS products, just assuming you're using the same tool as the rest of the lemmings.)

W O R D. You use them to speak (barely) and to write (I use the word loosely), now use it to capture your WORDS. Excel is for numbers, jackass. In Excel, look under tools options. Do you see a Grammar checker? No? That's because you shouldn't be writing sentences in Excel!

"But Excel is so easy!" (slap). [The only thing I can think of is that they like Excel because of the row and column layout.] Hey, fart knocker, you can create tables in Word. They have rows and columns and everything. You can move them around, resize them, whatever you want.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm starting a petition, since it's the new "in thing" to do. This is a petition to the Microsoft marketing team with the purpose of having them change the names of Excel, PowerPoint and Access. I am recommending the names Numbers, Slides, and Information I'll Never Use. I know the last one is a bit long, but none of the yahoos I'm talking about would even know what to do with Access anyway. They'd start the application and then sit there drooling, trying to understand why they have to save a file when they haven't typed anything yet.

So, please sign my petition.

Hey, numb nuts....here's a dead fish, go build me a fence.