Ron Mexico: Pot Monster

In what continues to be a huge head scratcher for me Ron Mexico, a.k.a. Mike Vick, tested positive for pot while in the middle of a federal trial. According to a third party, after finding God immediately after his indictment, and despite God's best effort, Vick has repeatedly failed to return any of God's calls. Very interesting given a recent phone interview between Uncle Jimbo and Mr. Vick immediately after the news broke of his positive test. An excerpt is below:

UJ: "Ron, is it ok if I can you Ron?"
MV: "Um...well...I'd prefer Michael."
UJ: "Okay, Mike. Mike tell me why, given all the attention on you regarding the federal trial, the GA state charges and everything else, would you smoke pot. Other than the obvious reason that your a stoner?"
MV: "Well, you see...I didn't smoke it man. I don't know how I tested positive."
UJ: "Interesting. Any brownies? Bottled water? Too much time playing Madden 08 @ Ricky's house? Positive tests from second hand smoke is probably a real pisser huh? Oops sorry for the pun."
MV: "Hey, I haven't been to Ricky's house in like....a couple weeks. Okay, okay. So I smoked a little."
UJ: "Really?! Just a little you hemp herbivore?"
MV: "Okay, more than a little, like..maybe....."
UJ: "Compare it to the number of times you've THROWN a touch down pass in the NFL."
MV: "Oh hell man, shit, a lot more than that. But that's not my fault man, I can't help it, I've got a weakness and my wide receivers suck."
UJ: "Actually you probably can't call them 'your' wide receivers anymore can you?"
MV: "Aw screw you man, I don't have to take this crap."
UJ: "You're right Mike, you don't have to take this from me. But you are going to have to take it from Big Carl when you get to federal-pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Good luck with that."
MV (nervously): "God...yeah, God will protect me and...um...give me strength, yeah."
UJ: "Really, how's your relationship with God going these days. Are you two pretty tight?"
MV: "We okay. We doing okay."
UJ: "Sure, I bet God loves to have three way conversations with you and Mary Jane. I bet that's in his top ten list of favorite activities. #7, Have long meaningful conversations with Mike Vick while he smokes his bong."
MV: "You know what smart ass...I'll tell you what, or what!"
UJ: "Huh?"
MV: "You want to know something about God? (whispering) He....yeah, he himself told me....he told me to smoke the weed."
UJ: "You know what Mike, even if you whisper, he can still hear you."
MV: "#%@ you, he can not."
UJ: "No, seriously Mike. He can hear it all."
MV: "Scratch that last part then man...(crying) I can't help it.....I just love the chronic. (sobbing) Seriously, can you get me Onterrio Smith's number, I need to get my hands on one of those Whizzinators."
UJ: "Mike, whose urine are you going to use?"
MV: "Your-who, what?"
UJ: "Urine. who's urine?"
MV: "Huh?"
UJ: "Never mind, I'll find the number for you."