Asshat of the Month Award

Ah, the Asshat awards. Nothing brings out the fight in uncle Jimbo more than the battle for the title of Crown Prince of Idiocy. As usual it was a dogfight between Best Grip Mike (Moore) and his [current] insane ravings and a select few individuals whose mental powers prohibit them from applying for any job which require the use of heavy equipment. So, without further verbosity, here are the finalists:

Michael Moore: writer/director, nominated for Sicko.

Al Gore: self-proclaimed inventor of the Internet and savior of mother earth, nominated for his personal inconvenient truth (personal electric bill).

Jack Thompson: lawyer, God-fearing Republican, and crusader against the wretched hive of villainy know as the entertainment industry, nominated just for being himself.

Wow, this is a great group of nominees. We've got the man who double-fists foot-longs and uses a garden hose to drink his margaritas from a kiddie pool bashing Republicans for the poor condition of the health care system. Easy winner you say. Probably. But I haven't seen the "film" so I don't feel as those I can properly comment on the issue. Yeah, right. Sure I can.

Dear Mike, Hello [knocks on his oversized mellon] you big fat walking heart attack. The biggest problem with our health-care system isn't the cost of drugs, or the doctors, or yes, even the Republicans. It's all the fat, unhealthy bastards like you that live your lives under the freedoms and liberties of this country, not worried a bit about your health until the pseudo-meat and Cheese Whiz finally seizes up your pumper. Then it's all about how the "system" failed you. The insurance is too expensive, the drugs are too expensive, blah blah blah. The system that failed you is the one that kept your food-filled hand continually entering your mouth. Things are broken in this country because people fail to take responsibility for their own actions. As much as I'd like to keep going, the other nominees needs some airtime.

Al, Al, Al. You ignorant slut. $30,000/year in utility bills. Nice...your Honor, In light of this new evidence, I rest my case. Things are broken in this country because people fail to take responsibility for their own actions. [FYI, he's another fat bastard that's going to be taxing our health-care system in a couple of years.]

And then there's Jack Thompson. Many of you might not know him, but he will most likely be a multi-award winning asshat. I probably should have commented on him before, I must be slipping in my old age. If you do any research on this guy you'll find someone, despite his God-fearing, Republican background, that is more about regulating behavior than he is about reforming behavior.

It a nutshell, he believes that the evils (e.g. violence) of the entertainment industry, are what drive certain youth to commit crimes such as the Virgina Tech and Columbine incidents. He has specifically targeted violent video games as a key source of this anti-social behavior calling them "murder simulators". As a father, Republican, God-fearing man, and video game player, I think you're an asshat Jack Thompson. You win this month's award.

It couldn't possibly be the lack of proper parenting or the sensationalized media coverage that drive these troubled kids to violence. Millions of kids play semi-violent or violent video games. I and millions of kids have watched a coyote take an anvil to the head and plummet into a cloud of dust. superheroes beat up super-villians, cowboys shoot indians (and other cowboys). Over 99.99 percent of those children have never taken up arms against their peers. From a purely mathematical perspective all your points are invalid. The numbers just don't bear out the cause and effect you're trying to sell. Quite trying to regulate behavior and start working to reform it. Things are broken in this country because people fail to take responsibility for their own actions.

And for the record Jack, video games don't make me want to kick your ass, YOU make me want to kick your ass.