Man Fingers Himself (Aw Come On, That's Not What I Meant)

Required Reading Before The Test


Now, let's begin.

The Test:
You've recently been fired from your night shift at Dunkin Donuts, do you:
A) Go on a three day bender
B) Interview at the local parks and recreation department
C) Visit the local graveyard and knock down headstones in hopes of landing said P&R job
D) All of the above

Your real motivation for desecrating the graveyard is that:
A) Pushing over large stones makes you feel manly
B) You want to find all the people that said you'd never amount to anything and teach them a lesson. Covering the entire population requires a visit to the graveyard
C) The zombies were trying to get you
D) All of the above

During the graveyard shenanigans you sever your finger, do you:
A) Scream like a little girl
B) Run like the wind, afraid you will no longer be able to open and consume a can of Old Milwaukee in under 10 seconds
C) Leave the severed finger as an offering, hoping against hope it will not further incite the zombies to eat your brain
D) All of the above

For treatment of injured hand you:
A) Involve the police
B) Warn them that they won't find the finger anywhere near the zombie-filled graveyard
C) Forget to tell them that you severed you finger in an attempt to stop some hoodlums from destroying gravestones
D) All of the above

You end your night by:
A) Signing a waiver for "Cops"
B) Wishing you'd lost your entire hand so you could attach a chainsaw
C) Wondering, as you sit in lockup, if you'll be able to fight off Carl, the 330 pound redneck transvestite, with only nine digits
D) All of the above


Answer Key:
It doesn't really matter what you scored, had you been involved in any way in the situation described above you're a dumb ass. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect unemployment.