Where Did the Soap Go?
It used to be that when I was done doing yard work, fixing something, or simply relieving myself that I could go to the sink and find a bar of soap to wash my hands. Now my house has been invaded by Washes, Sanitizers, and crap with names I can't even pronounce.
When I stand there preparing to wash my hands I have this pump staring at me. It's filled with Mango Splash Tone Foaming Hand Wash with Cocoa Butter. Yeah, that's how I want to smell. Like I've been fondling fruit. Then there's the stuff in the other bathroom, Melon Berry Hand Sanitizer with Exfoliating Beads. I want to find the numb-nuts that started using the word "exfoliating" as a marketing tool so I can exfoliate him with my wire grill brush. This crap just looks expensive. I'm afraid that if I use more than a drop my son is going to have to get a scholarship in order to go to college. I don't need that kind of pressure. Not after I just relieved some.
What happened to man soap....bar soap. It's messy but effective. Just like men. Zest, Irish Spring and the father of all man soaps....Lava. You want to exfoliate you little marketing bitch? Here try some Lava. That crap'll even get the mustard stains off Michael Moore's face. That's soap. But we don't have soaps anymore. There's specialty goo for body parts; hand wash, face wash, foot wash. You marketing people really want to open up a new market? Start making sack wash. Make is smell like chocolate. In fact make it taste like chocolate. Then you'd be making something I guy would buy. My new rule of thumb. If glycerol isn't a by-product of making it, I'm not using it.
Men, this is a call to arms. Go to the store and buy a real, honest-to-goodness bar of soap. Actually make it two. Go home unwrap one, wash your hands with it, and then lay the sudsy bar on the counter. Scratch your crotch. Reminder yourself you're a man. Put the other one in your coat pocket. The next time you're at a dinner party and you meet someone new find out what they do. If they make, market, or sell Smelly Anti-bacterial Ass Wash with Aloe and Ginseng, take them into a corner and dry wash them with that extra bar of Lava. It'll be a liberating experience.
Posts
2 comments:
I always loved the combination of the anti-grease bucket of gel then the Lava bar. Stripped anything off your hands and a good amount of skin too!
Jimbo,
I could not agree with you more. As a soapmaker and vendor the industry has really gotten away from "real soap for real men". That is why I have come up with a line of soaps for men called, 'The Man Bar Collection'. One can find these incredible soaps on www.soulsong.com.
In defense of those foamy squirty soaps, they do have real advantages. The foam actually cleans better (or faster) by dispersing the soap molecules resulting in a larger cleaning area. Those scents could be essentails oils that could do a less toxic job of conditioning the skin.
I am also a Lava fan. Not sure what it is made with today, but at one time made with pumice or volcanic ash, thus the name LAVA.
Post a Comment