'Asinine Use of Public Funds' of the Week

I haven’t seen something this stupid in a while. Are you telling me that the most heinous criminal you could find is using squeeze cheese as a weapon? The Sherriff’s department should be embarrassed. First for allowing charges to be filed, and second for making this guy a “most wanted”.

I’m sure the trailer they live in has been the scene of many a domestic dispute, see the aforementioned charge: Third-offense criminal domestic violence, but come on, she put it on his truck. That’s attempted destruction of property, that cheese will eat right through clear coat. Do you see her being charged? No. To make matters worse there wasn’t even any evidence; she washed it out of her hair. Generally if you plan to press charges for being assaulted with a food product from isle 5, I always recommend leaving the crime scene as is. Of course, it’s much harder to hit on the cute policemen with a pile of processed cheese in your mullet.

Remind me to tell you the story someday about my high school physics teacher who was abused by his WIFE! Guy was a crappy teacher and apparently, based on the knife wounds, he wasn’t much better at being a husband.

So anyway, be on the look out for a man in his late 30s driving a dark colored pickup truck with a yellow racing strip. He’s wanted in South Carolina for reckless use of a condiment. If only she’d gotten her bitch-ass back in the kitchen and cooked some dinner this whole thing could have been averted. They will never learn.