Can Religion Kill?

Well, at first glance it appeared that this man's desire to keep himself pure was the cause of death. But, they brought in the CSI team and with all their hi-tech gadgets they determined that, in actuality, the man died from his own stupidity. I’m not sure which is funnier, that the guy jumped, or that one of his buddies dared him to jump. I wonder if it was a double-dog dare?

The Story

Who the hell would jump from a moving car? What a dumbass. Oh wait, actually I have a confession. I too jumped from a moving vehicle. I was 12 years old and was in a car full of kids on our way to a youth group meeting. A “friend” suggested we should climb out the back window of the station wagon (yes, the faux wood paneled variety), stand on the bumper, and jump off as we pulled in the driveway. All so we could get the “best” seat. As the story goes, and I say this because to this day I do not remember any of it, we counted to three, I jumped…he didn’t (for that and several other transgressions I no longer speak to this person). I fell, rolled, and apparently hit my head on the gravel driveway. I got up dusted myself off and we went into the youth group meeting. About 20 minutes into the meeting I started freaking out, there may also have been a little bit of crying but I’m not sure I believe that part of the story. Needless to say, I told the adults at the meeting that I didn’t know where I was or who they were. It was at that moment that they too started freaking out.

So they called my mother and off to the hospital I went. After a battery of tests including asking me stupid questions like, “What day is it?” and “Who is the president?”, all of which I couldn’t answer, they determined that I had been concussed. I had no short or long term memory and, as my loving brother stated, “If he stays like this they’ll have to lock him up.”

I started to remember things over the next 24 hours, and was “okay” after about 48 hours. But it was quite the ordeal for my mother and the youth group adults who all scolded me quite a bit once I was recovered. But, since I didn’t remember making the decision to jump or actually jumping, all the yelling didn’t really have much impact.

To this day I do not remember any of it other than bits and pieces of my recovery in the hospital. So, if you ever read this and can’t figure out how any sane person could spend time thinking about this stuff, now you know. I’m not quite right in the head.

But getting back to the story, I jumped from a car traveling at ~5MPH. This Keanu (this is my new term for super-morons) jumped from one going 35 all because someone was cursing. Apparently Darwin does still claim a few victims.

My advice, don’t shake a baby, and never jump from a moving vehicle. Unless of course there’s a really good reason, like your vehicle is on fire, or you have a chance to get a front row seat at the Michael Moore vs. Rick Berman Celebrity DeathMatch.