Kick-ass Children's Stories

Generally, entertainment for kids these days is very lacking. You've got the old stand-bys like Sesame Street, but there's a whole lot of crap out there too like Teletubbie, Barney, and any of that crap Lucas puts out that’s supposed to be “for kids.”

As my son gets older and we get past the basic ABC's and 123's books, I’ve found some real gems that are great for kids and are entertaining for adults as well. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

Pierre Bear by Richard Scarry
Normally a story about a guy named Pierre needs to end in his fiery demise. But this frenchie is a bear, which is totally cool. Plus he lives by himself up in the north country and lives off the land. First Pierre spends his days hunting the dangerous moose. Then he makes his annual trip into town where he finds a woman that will marry him without the need for multiple dates, flowers, or any of the other crap that goes along with courting down here below the artic circle. I'm pretty sure he'd have been okay if she just wanted to shack up, but since it's a kids book I let this plot flaw go. So he takes her home to check out his ultra-hip taxidermied head collection and, before you know it, they have a little bear. Once the cub is old enough to hold a rifle, they both head out to hunt fur seals. BANG! They shoot the biggest one dead and drag him home. They all love their new fur coats and everyone (except the moose and fur seal) live happily ever after. Kick-ass. Thanks Richard.

Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Seuss
For those of you working for a big company, you really need to get familiar with this story. It’s about an executive manager, named Yertle, who thinks he’s better than everyone else because he’s…an executive manager. So he comes up with this “great” plan to make himself look good and uses everyone underneath him to try to make it work. But like most plans developed by upper-management, it all falls apart because he has no clue how to motivate and inspire the people that work for him. Ultimately he ends up with mud all over his face and nothing to show for it. The hero of the story is Mack. He’s the hero because he does what’s best for the entire company. I would have preferred if he hadn’t been passive aggressive about it, but it works none-the-less. Rating: 4.5 out of 5.

Sometimes I Like To Curl Up in a Ball by Vicki Churchill and Charles Fuge
This book kicks-ass because it’s about a wombat. Period. Doesn’t matter what they do they’re cool. They are the anti-French.

Sneetches and other stories by Dr. Seuss
This is a great story that includes racial bias, the desire to “fit-in”, and someone that makes a boat-load of money off both. I won’t give away any of the plot, but I will say that Sylvester McMonkey McBean is a brilliant entrepreneur capable of acquiring wealth from the truly stupid. If you’ve never read it, get yourself a copy. There’s also a cool spook story about a haunted pair of pale green pants.

We all have a lot to learn from talking trains and cat's that wear hats.