Dear Santa,

With only a few days left before you take to the skies I wanted to give you my Christmas list. Now I know that you've been stealing NSA satellite time to keep an eye on people, but if you ignore some of my lesser moments this year, I won't blow you in as a foreigner performing terrorist-like activities on US soil. Not mention working the rooftops of American homes without a proper work visa.

So, just get me a couple of these things and there won’t be any problems:

1. A license to kill
2. Rock’em Sock’em Robots (classic)
3. A severe case of IBS for Best Grip Mike (aka Michael Moore)
4. Another Superbowl win for the Patriots (you can never have too many)
5. A Lennonesque holiday for Bono (Person of the Year my ass)
6. Any cool, super-violent, video game (preferably one that a congressperson has commented on but never seen)
7. No more George Lucas movies
8. Another corporate re-organization
9. PEZ candy the size of those big dispensers
10. An updated version of Rosemary’s Baby starring Katie Holmes
11. A Cubs team that plays ABOVE expectations
12. Peace on Earth and good will to all men [not in the Church of Scientology]

Thanks Santa, I know you’ll do the right thing…