Saddam Changes Strategy

In what most people view as a lame attempt to keep the world interested in his pre-execution trial, Saddam has decided to play the You're Bigger Bullies Than I Am card at his trial. Calling the judges and the court "unjust" and equating their management of the trial to "terrorism", Saddam boycotted his trial. It is also believed that Saddam will be begin to boycott other things such as the prison pick-up soccer game and his weekly prison shower. Although he was unavailable for comment, a source close to Saddam stated that he is tired of being treated like an ex-dictator and mass murder. "He's continually picked last for the soccer teams and believes he is being targeted by prison authorities during his shower time because he can only get a standard bar of soap while most of the other inmates get soap-on-a-rope. It hurts him, it hurts him deeply," the source said.

It is believed that Saddam is also taking things into his own hands. He recently attempted to use a Get Out of Jail Free card on one of his jailers. The jailer, agreeing to be interviewed as long as his identity was withheld said, "At first I was like, wow...how'd he get one of these? I was about the let him walk when I realized that it wasn't signed. I've heard of guys falling for this one, but I wasn't about to let it happen on my watch." Sources have indicated that Saddam is also contemplating the "I Know You Are But What Am I?" defense and the Chewbacca defense. Only time will tell how long we'll have to wait for his inevitable execution but it is believed that Saddam will be boycotting the sunrise on that day.