A letter to Rick Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

You SUCK. Don't get me wrong. This is not the minor suckage you feel when you stub your toe, drop your ice cream cone, or get slapped by a girl for making an inappropriate comment about her sister. This is major suckage like when you finally admit to yourself that George Lucas can't write a lick of dialog, you realize today's pro athletes can't get by without a morning shot in the ass of something from modern medical science, or some IQ-challenged Fox executive didn't think FireFly had what it takes to be a successful television drama.

Star Trek is dead, and you are the triggerman. You brought about the downfall of one of the best and most profitable media franchises ever. How's that feel? If Mr. Roddenberry were still alive I can only believe he would have bitch-slapped you out the Paramount doors long ago. Why the other Paramount executives haven't done the same for your ineptness is beyond me.

I'm not going to get into the grueling details regarding your short-comings as a writer and producer, but I could. I'll simply say that you took a great thing and pissed it away. Every time you got closely involved in a series it died a slow, painful death. The movies, generally, were nothing but poorly constructed episodes. It's only due to some of the excellent talent around you that things weren't worse.

And then came Enterprise, the show that would revive the franchise. It was a great idea; tell the story of the beginning of the Federation. But you Berman'ed* it. A temporal cold war? You and your staff had virtually limitless story possibilities and the best you could come up with is another time travel plot line? You are an idiot.

Now let me get to the point. I am asking, no I'm begging (but I'm not going to take back anything I've said so far, so don't ask) for you to not be directly involved in any future Star Trek projects. Find someone talented, like Ronald Moore, to lead and manage the next project (if there is one). Have you see Battlestar Galactica? It's what Enterprise could have been. Compelling characters, interesting stories, and cool (but not overstated) special effects. I hope you lie awake at night thinking about what it could have been.

I hate you.

Sincerely,
Uncle Jimbo

P.S. There is an error on the StarTrek.com web site. It has you mistakenly listed as "Creator" and not "Destroyer".

P.P.S. Please do not get involved in the following television shows (they don't suck!):
24
Lost
Battlestar Galactica
Alias (although current plot trends lead me to believe you may already be dabbling)


* Berman'ed^TM: The 21st-century equivalent to "Jumping the Shark"