Which of These Are Not Like the Others?

For all that is good and historic about our country, what the hell is going on here? This is the best example I've seen that the American media (and to a lesser extent the American public) puts way too much emphasis on celebrities.

Here is the nomination list for Discovery Channel's Greatest American. What a festering pile of dog crap. I looked up the word nomination just to make sure I didn't miss something during 5th-grade class elections. I didn't. It does, in fact, require someone to "propose for an honor" an individual. I think it's obvious by the list that some of the nominators weren't too clear on the honor in question. Below I've broken the list down (with examples) into three categories. Those that:

1. are gimmee nominations that even Dan Quayle could have identified and most likely spelled correctly
2. represent people who have positively contributed to this country, but most likely fall short of this great honor, and
3. not only have little or nothing to positively contribute to their friends and family but are completely impotent to "leave their mark" on this nation

I'll label this category of individuals as the "Ass Goblins Not Worthy of Nomination." Now, to try to make some sense of this last group, I'll also add, in parentheses, the honor or award I believe the misinformed or confused individuals who nominated them must have been considering when they threw the name in the proverbial hat.

Let me break it down for you. We have the gimmees (notice I can use just their last names and people know who I'm talking about....hummmmm...):

• Washington
• Lincoln
• Roosevelt (take your pick)
• JFK
• Jefferson
• King

The Almosts:

• Henry Ford
• Fredrick Douglass
• Neil Armstrong
• The Wright brothers
• Rosa Parks
• Mark Twain

The Ass Goblins Not Worthy of Nomination:

• Tom Cruise (The Crazier-Than-The-Cocoa-Puffs-Bird-Talentless-Actors Award)
• Oprah Winfrey (Most Weight Gained and Lost in a Single Lifetime, Female Role)
• Rush Limbaugh (Most Weight Gained and Lost in a Single Lifetime, Male Role)
• Bill Clinton (Greatest Lawyer, "That depends on what your definition of 'is' is?")
• Hillary Clinton (Greatest New York Senator who never really "lived" in the state)
• George W. Bush (Greatest ex-baseball owner who thought it would kick ass to one up his father by winning re-election)
• Michael Jackson (sorry, can't stop laughing at this one)
• Arnold Schwarzenegger (oh still laughing.....Arnold please terminate the nominator for the individual above)

and of course, no list of nominees for the Greatest American EVER would be complete without the man who is single-handedly trying to rid this country of the beef frankfurter, one dog at a time.....

• Michael Moore (Greatest American Who Should be Shipped Off to Iraq to Service His Country In Payment for Providing Him The Opportunity to Become The Rich Fat Bastard He Is Today)

In all there are 26 no-brainer Ass Goblins on this list. That includes three Bushs (five if you count Madonna and Ellen DeGeneres). John F'ing Edwards...no not the dude that speaks with dead people, the other one. One, Hugh Hefner (sic!), and Dr. Phil. That's more than 25% of the nominees who I wouldn't let hold my jock.

Judith McHale (CEO Discovery Communications) thank you for the nice HD programming, but are you smoking crack? This has got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Can't wait for you to get to the afterlife and explain this to Abe. Oh that's right....you're on different lists. Read my lips: There shouldn't be a single freakin' entertainer on this list. They make movies, sing songs, and play sports. They do not add any significant value to the fabric of our country! You stupid, stupid girl.

The only people more pissed at you than I am are the left-wing Hollywood power mongers who didn't approve this idea (actually I'm pretty sure you didn't run it by anyone). They're going to show you that drugs are bad...um kay....and that you shouldn't have let this cat out of the bag until they were ready to present it along with the idea of Carousel. Well guess what? When that day comes as you stare at your red, glowing lifeclock with the choice to Renew or run, please do me a favor. Run. Because I'm going to be there. I'll be your Sandman.