Media of the Week

These are the people I would go to prison over if I ever saw them doing something like this. If I'm the parent of the child that was not hers, I'm renting a car, shoving Lorena Lucas in a trunk, and driving straight to the fast ferry terminal. Then I get out, rap on the trunk and say, "I'll be back for the next ferry trip. You dumb b^$@%."

Had a recent discussion with my wife and a friend about classic comedies. Fact: Real Genius, although a funny movie, is not a classic comedy. Fact: This is a classic comedy.

This should only be considered a sport if they have snipers placed along the race path. There aren't many animals that I would personally like to help towards extinction but this is one of them. We had a lot of them at our old house and we thought we escaped them when we moved. Doesn't one show up and land in our pine tree while we're sitting on the porch. The thing just starts cooing at me like, "ha, found you."

Which reminds me of my best pigeon story ever. One day in the middle of winter I see, through our family room window, a fat (Ophra fat) hawk sitting on a tree branch. I think to myself, how is that thing so fat? I see him several times over the next several weeks until one day, after the snow had melted, I was walking down the driveway to get the mail. As I pass the area where the pigeons roost on the phone lines I look underneath a small pine shrub. And there is the most beautiful thing I've seen all year...a little pigeon grave yard. Bones and feathers everywhere. The remains of many pigeons. It was fantastic (more like NBA fantastic than Fantastic Four fantastic). I knew immediately how our neighborhood hawk was maintaining that Michael Moore waistline. It was a very happy day for me.